Italix....the Scruffy Duck

Andy.....Andy...wake up

He wasn't sure if it was the surf rolling across his feet that woke him up...or the urgent vocal of the new arrival.He awoke anyway. He saw a girl in a red and black stripey jumper. She had a quiff...with a red band holding it back. She was bent over him...shouting...some rips in her black tights.

Who the fuck are you, then? Are you my Guardian Angel or something?

I am your Guardian Astronaut


From where? Where do you come from? Who are you? What the Hell is a Guardian Astronaut?

I come from your future...and I can't let you die here..now...on the beach...cos I need to be your friend..in the future. I call myself Italix...the Scruffy Duck


Why?

Because I talk in Italix...and if I told you my real name it would ruin everything...and you would know too much. You won't remember me as Italix when you meet me in years to come


Please...explain what this is about. You seem nice..but what is this astronaut shit?

I am an astronaut because...very simply...angels do not exist...but astronauts do. I have travelled in time to meet you...to stop your death. I can't let you go just yet


What about all the biblical pictures of angels...men and women with huge white wings...people saw them in biblical times...or they would not have painted them in those beautiful pictures...strong feathered white wings sprouting from angels in the sky?

Andy was very confused now. He didn't believe in time-travel..and he didn't believe in angels..not really. She was probably some local girl...just messing around on the beach...having a laugh. He wonderd if he HAD died...it was a bizarre situation


Angels have never existed. Take it from me. Those beautiful angels...depicted in biblical images...were astronauts. It' all about perception


Huh?

Well...see it this way. Let's go back to the biblical days. There were no photographers then...no paparazzi...everything was hearsay and first-hand explanation


I am still confused

OK...let's say a man or a woman saw someone up there in the sky. They had no concept of space-travel....or of mechanical travel...jet-packs...not even parachutes...not in those times. They saw a spaceman...someone travelling from another time...and their account of the sighting was limited. It was someone flying. That's all it could be...to their un-educated perception


Still don't get it

Let's say a farmer called Jacob...yes...let's give him a name...sees an astronaut. He has no concept of space-travel...of astronauticism...so he sees it as a bit of a miracle...a fantasy..in fact. So...he tells his friend...let's call him Jeramiah


Why Jeremiah?

I don't fucking know. Just a name


Yeah...well ...carry on

He tells Jeremiah..over a drink or two...that he saw this human flying across the gospel sky. Jeremiah is an artist..a painter...


Hold on...one minute he's a made-up person...as is Jacob...now he's got a fucking profession

Andy...shut up...let me continue or I will leave you to die...you obstinate cunt


Jesus....I don't even know you...this might be my imagination...I'm being beaten down by a figment of my imagination

Trust me....I am part of your future...if I let you die now...I might not exist myself...so fucking help me here.

So...Jacob tells Jeremiah that he saw an angel?

No...he tells Jeremiah that he saw a person in the sky. Jeremiah...as a painter...wants to create a picture of it...so he paints a picture of a human flying through the sky. It's a time when they know nothing of technology...so the obvious supposition is that if a person can fly...that person MUST have wings. So he paints a person...man or woman...with wings.

Who's idea is this? I've never heard such a strategy. I have never heard an opinion like this

It is all my own thoughts


I am not sure you are right...but you are a very clever girl

I am super-intelligent...ha ha. Seriously...if I had the intellectual power to stop you dying it would be the most remarkable aspect of my very short life. You can't die yet...not until I've met you


Jesus girl....what if this is a dream? What if I never see you again?

If you have the guts...the determination...the strength...to live now...then we will meet...I promise you that. If not...then fuck you


So....Jeremiah paints a guy or girl...with wings. Where does the halo come into it? Angels had wings and halos.

That's easy...well...it is if you are super-intellectual like me


Go on

An astronaut has a space-helmet....it has a built-in light. It glows. Jeremiah....or any number of biblical piss-head painters of bygone biblical times...have no concept of illumination by artificial light....so...bang...the halo is invented


I think you have an imagination that knows no limit

Well...trust me then...I need you to stay alive...for me...for your future and for mine

And if I die?

Then I will not exist...ever


A swirl of foam washed over his confused mind. He saw some jellyfish slowly drifting towards his face. He wanted to sleep...he had a death-wish...but he also saw a glimmer of hope. What if this really was a friend from his future? What if this was just a girl who lived down the road? What if she was playing some stupid game? If it was his imagination...then...why did he make this figment so incredibly intelligent?


I promise you...Andy...that if you live...I will be the best friend you ever had...but if you die...you have let me down...and you have let your family down. Don't let me down...don't let your family down


She was right...he was selfish. As he closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable passing...he tortured himself with the notion that she might JUST be right. She might just truly want to see him in later times


Who are you, angel? he asked And where do you come from?

I was born in 1995

But this is 1991

Yes...I know...I am super-intelligent


I am confused

I am yours...just live...you cunt